Platinum Madness – 6 unhinged tales of unlocking PS3′s toughest trophies

Red Dead Redemption

Kim Richards

I’d just hit the glorious 100% completion rate in Red Dead Redemption’s single-player mode when it hit me. The associated Redeemed trophy wasn’t platinum, but gold. This wouldn’t do. Research told me I needed to unlock all 39 single-player trophies and ten online ones if I wanted the real prize. So I returned to the West.

Red Dead’s trophies aren’t exactly hard – they just take a lot of time to achieve. Redeemed involved 32 long hours of flower picking, bounty-hunting madness. Murdering one of every single animal in the game saw me cancelling a weekend with my parents. Killing 500 enemies with a pistol, and then 500 more with a rifle took an entire week. Surprisingly, the online trophies were the easiest to come by, largely thanks to my faithful posse. Becoming Public Enemy and surviving for ten minutes was a hilarious highlight, as everyone ignored me while I filled Black Water’s civilians with lead.

My darkest hour came when I had to win at Liar’s Dice without losing a die. My approach to probability extends as far as ‘maybe, maybe not’, so when tasked with winning a game that involved calculating the probability that my opponents were lying, without making any mistakes, I almost hung up my Stetson.

I played honestly, and lost. I lied outrageously, and lost. I shot my rivals in the face, and lost. At 2am, when I’d been playing Liar’s Dice for three solid hours, I broke. I reached for my shotgun and blasted everyone in the saloon. I hogtied the barman and threw him into a river. I went back to the dice table and punched everyone with teeth, coincidentally earning the Fightin’ Round The World trophy.

The next day, somehow, the Liar’s Dice one just happened. After 96 hours, 39 minutes and 24 seconds, I’d done it. I was Clint Eastwood, John Wayne and Woody from Toy Story, all rolled into one – a true legend of the West. Now, if I could just get Ma to start talking to me again…