Platinum Madness – 6 unhinged tales of unlocking PS3′s toughest trophies

Metal Gear Solid 4

Dave Meikleham

What’s that, Old Snake? You want me to douse my furniture in petrol, then spark up my settee? Well, you’re the Big Boss/exciting new imaginary pal I’ve made while completing MGS eight times. Yes, eight frickin’ times. The last dregs of my sanity washed down the drainpipe around playthrough five. After that, I endured the self-imposed madness only by playing the game while listening to podcasts, Talksport and
the occasional pyromaniac voice in my head.

To clarify, I’d already finished MGS4 six times before the trophy patch was released. Yet clearly, I just hadn’t had enough of playing hide-and-seek with a killer octopus lady or watching a rookie solider guffing his kakis during the first act’s FROG fight.

So why exactly do you have to go through the game eight times to unlock the platinum pot? Because of a piddling iPod track, that’s why. The Songs Of The Battlefield gold trinket tasks you with collecting every piece of in-game music, with the final Snake Eater ditty only obtained after earning the game’s 40 emblems – a trophy-like system that pre-dated Sony’s official gongs. And it’s unlocking these badges where the agony of eight enters the mentally unhinged fray.

Some of the emblems are inoffensive enough. Eat 40 rations. Execute 100 forward rolls. Complete the game on the hardest difficulty in under five hours, without being spotted, killing anyone or using a health item. Wait, what? Far worse were the 50 layers of hoop-jumping required for the Chicken rank.

Here are the mentally unhinged cliffnotes. I hid in a drum can for 60 minutes straight. I lent on a wall for another hour. Oh, and I left my PS3 on for eight hours straight over five consecutive work days to rack up the required 35+ hour completion time. How did I feel once the platinum was finally pocketed, you ask? Pretty burny, Snake. Pretty burny.