Minis round-up: August

nom nation mini

Nom Nation

Not enough games promote healthy eating. There’s not a single game in recent memory that I can say told me to eat more boiled eggs with soldiers – yes please – and avoid those nasty double cheeseburgers. And so enters Nom Nation (£1.74), in which you’re a chef on a mission to save the legendary Book Of Nom. Torn up by Jabber The Gut of the McFatAss Corporation – oh, it’s subtle – the pages are scattered through ten worlds. A protein-packed steak enables a super-punch, a caffeinated drink creates a rush of speed, and sprouts? Let’s just say they give you wings – noisy, smelly wings. Surprisingly tasty platforming fun.  8/10

 

I kill zombies miniI Kill Zombies

We all love killing zombies. Guns, chainsaws, Batman records… whatever comes to hand, chances are you can murder the undead with it and enjoy getting the blood all over your face – just remember to keep your mouth shut. So why exactly is I Kill Zombies (£2.49) so brain-munchingly dull? The badly drawn hero is sent Running Man-style into an arena of monsters, all in the name of reality TV. The vomiting metal soundtrack ages you about 20 years as you wonder if that’s meant to be music accompanying your unresponsive, button-bashing attempts to off the ‘my first zombie drawing’ horde. There may be 30 arenas, but it only takes one to realise that not killing zombies is the preferable option. 4/10

 

Defenders Of The Mystic Garden mini

Defenders Of The Mystic Garden

From the dancing garden gnome of the loading screen – creepy box ticked – it’s clear that Defenders Of The Mystic Garden (£2.49) isn’t going to be to many people’s tastes. Tower-defence strawberry protection is the name of the game, and you place a variety of obnoxious characters in the path of a slew of ugly animals. Your warriors appear to be on some kind of community service scheme, insulting you as you move and level them up. Oh, for some happy pea-shooters now. Dull, ineffectual combat means you’re bored to tears as your shiny fruit is stolen away. Replicating the situation at home with a punnet of strawberries and a mallet would be far more entertaining. 3/10

 

Mini of the month: Velocity

Velocity Ps3 miniIf Space Invaders was your trusty Nokia 3210 with interchangeable covers, Velocity (£3.99) is your iPhone 4S. This top-down shooter has you hurtling through the bowels of a ship, collecting survivors as you go. A smoothly implemented teleporting ability makes you feel like the master of all analogue sticks as you slickly avoid turrets and imagine the relieved thanks from pods of rescuees. With an exciting synth soundtrack from Killzone composer Joris De Man, constant new abilities and a challenging difficulty curve, this is a compulsive bite-sized gaming chunk. If nothing else, it’s worth the price for the old-school Minesweeper game that’s inexplicably included.  9/10

 

 

 

 

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