The announcement of the eye-gougingly pointless Ninja Gaiden Move peripheral got us thinking; what other pieces of supposedly hi-tech plastic tat have we seen making promises their unwieldy arses couldn’t keep. Throughout the history of Sony’s machines we’ve had a few, most of them cropping up in the post-Guitar Hero boom and some, like the guitars, were briefly cool and interesting. But most of the peripherals we’ve used have lost their sheen pretty damn quickly and the worst, well they actually make playing the game harder and some might have even caused us an injury.
Tony Hawk’s Ride Board
The extreme sport series was running out of ideas by the time Ride came out and needed a shot in the arm. What it got was a hypersensitive plank of uselessness and poor Tony lumbered with the job of defending the thing. Ditching the established controls was always going to be a tough sell but with a learning curve that expected you to be Tony himself just to pull off a trick we suspect a lot of Ride boards were turned into some lovely laminate flooring.
Rez Trance Vibrator
Look, it doesn’t say anywhere, in any specific detail, where or how you are supposed to use the vibrating pad that goes with Tetsuya Mizuguchi’s trippy shooter. What we do know is that it comes in a protective sleeve and the further you get in the game the more satisfyingly consistent the vibrations get. If we winked and nodded any more we might pull a muscle in our faces.
Massive plastic tat gun for COD/Battlefield
Light gun games can be great, really satisfying – Time Crisis springs to mind. Modern shooters are also something special. A massive piece of plastic tat that is neither a light gun nor a useful way of controlling a shooter is not satisfying. It is surely the hallmark of a society that has gone a bit wrong. Seriously, we’d rather use a Sinclair C5 on a darkened dual carriageway than be seen with something this pointless.
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