PlayStation’s manliest fistfights

playstation fistfights featured done

Nothing screams ‘look at my awesome XY chromosomes’ than stripping one’s virtual britches, cracking your PS3 hero’s knuckles and having a fistfight so damn manly, it would make Captain Price’s soup strainer go all a quiver. The following PlayStation fisticuffs span everything from Metal Gear Solid 4′s geriatric smackdown to The Last Of Us’ hobo scraps.

The only rule in this PlayStation fight club? Don’t talk about it… well, that and make sure you bring a knuckleduster.

Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns Of The Patriots

If Guns Of The Patriots’ climatic fight between Old Snake and Liquid Ocelot was any more macho, the disc would physically jump out of your PS3, grow some mutton chops, then down a litre of Yorkshire stout. Encompassing the themes from each Metal Gear Solid over different stages of the fight, it’s somehow more impressive than the megaton massive robot-on-robot beatdown that precedes it.

 

The Warriors

Warriors, come out to play. Of course, these New York gangs idea of playtime involve introducing each other to the no nonsense end of their PS2 knuckles. Based on Walter Hill’s 1979 cult classic, Rockstar’s warm (and really punchy) homage lets you turn baddies faces into pulp on Coney Island and dish out horribly unhygienic assaults with bin lids. BOSH!

 

Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception

What would be your first reaction if you suddenly found yourself hanging out of the back of a cargo plane? Bear in mind the only thing between you and a thousand foot plummet into a wall of sand is a seven-foot Arab gentleman who’s only purpose in life is to make sure Drake never provides Elena with any quip-cracking sprogs.

If your answer is ‘sweet merciful Jeebus, I want to live’ then you are damn sure no Nathan Drake. Not only does the drop or the plane’s cargo almost crushing him a dozen times over fail to phase our boy, he even manages to engage in a mug-mangling fistfight while thousands of feet above the Rub’ al Khali.

 

Bully

Jimmy Hopkins has a pretty sweet life at the stuffy Bullworth Academy. If he’s not bunking off classes to skateboard his cares away, he’s earning himself some handsomely paid pocket money by doling out an armada of Rear Admirals on the school’s dweeb population.

This hero among men is indeed so tough, he takes on a posse of football jocks while dressed as the most embarrassing school mascot this side of UC Santa Cruz Banana Slug. Now why not take a load off and watch this comedy bull beat the peppy stuffing out of a cheerleader?

 

Yakuza 3

KAPOW! Eat pointy elbow to the face, strangely aggressive Japanese commuter. It’s not just the Tokyo Mafia that are out to get you on the mean streets of Kabukicho, because seemingly every passer-by (from brassed-off businessman to tracksuit-sporting thug) want to challenge Kazuma Kiryu to fisticuffs. Thank your bottle of sake then that old Kaz can dole out the most comically manly punch-ups since Godzilla and some guy in a flee-bitten gorilla costume decided to level half of the Land of the Rising Sun.